The Best Looking Man In The World: 2014
Don’t believe me? Better double check what website you’re on, pal. This isn’t “mediocrelookingguyfromcanada.com” or even “manwhoispassableafterafewbeers.com”
This is the real deal.
How Did I Become The Best Looking Man In The World?
In life, everyone’s got goals. Most people want to get a steady job, find someone to settle down with, buy a house in the suburbs and retire to Florida. Some people aim a little higher. These are the movers and shakers, the dreamers and the inspirational leaders that shape history. They want to cure cancer, become president, win a gold medal or make sweet love to Scarlett Johansson.
Although that last one is on my short list, I just wanted to be the best looking man in the world. So in the year 2011, after a lot of practice, determination and exactly $12.43, I made my dreams a reality. That dream continues in 2014!
I know what you’re thinking (I’m intuitive like that) – so I’ve prepared this handy FAQ:
Q1. Oh come on – you’re not really the best looking man in the world! “__________________” is so much sexier!
A1: Oh yeah? Well that’s not what the internet says – though I’m sure whoever you filled the blank in with is a lovely bloke and I wish him well.
Q2: Man, you must be awfully full of yourself.
A2: Was Christopher Columbus full of himself when he discovered America? Was Neil Armstrong full of himself when he landed on the moon? Was Shakespeare full of himself when he penned Macbeth? Was Einstein full of himself when he exploded the minds of the scientific community?
The answer is no. Like all great men of history, I am just a man who had a goal – to be the best looking man in the world. I worked just as hard to accomplish it as those guys did – probably harder. Don’t be a hater just because I achieved greatness.
Q3: Will you let me conceive your children? Good genetics are hard to find.
A3: The answer to this is a “maybe”. I’m not quite ready to be the best looking dad in the world, even if we would have incredibly attractive children. But Scarlett, if you’re reading this, you can definitely toss me a line.
Q4: Can you teach me how to be the best looking man on the planet – or at least a better looking man?
A4: It’s awfully hard to “teach” someone how to be good looking. The chips were sort of down when you pushed your screaming head out of the womb. The best looking men don’t really have to try. That said, you might consider buying yourself a great pair of shoes, and make sure you clip your finger nails. The rest is going to be about confidence and attitude; both of those are attractive. You don’t have to be the best looking man ever if you’ve got swag. Good luck.
Q5: Am I Good Looking?
A5: How the heck should I know? For best results, ask your mother.
Q6: I work for X company who makes X awesome product. Can we ship a truckload of it to you for free?
A5: Who WOULDN’T want their product endorsed by the best looking guy in the world? I love free stuff and I’ll gladly lend my attractiveness to your cause. Heck, I’ll even write about it and link to you.
So far I’ve received Fish Paste from a groundbreaking SEO company. I’d say that’s a pretty big win for everybody involved.
Q7: But seriously, you’re not the best looking man in the world. I know at least 15 people better looking than you are.
A6: I think you’re in denial, but I’ve got some great news. If you think someone else deserves a share in my glory, I might consider letting them borrow this space for awhile. Sadly (for you), I probably won’t sell it to you unless you send me an offer that can guarantee a year long trip to New Zealand, maybe with like, a supermodel lady butler.
(To follow the best looking man in the world, you can find me @JoelKlettke)