Introducing: the best looking man in the world (2018 and beyond!)
Hi there. My name is Joel, and I am the best looking man in the world.
Don’t believe me? Better double check what website you’re on. This isn’t “mediocrelookingguyfromcanada.com” or even “manwhoispassableafterafewbeers.com”
This is the real deal.
How Did I Become The Best Looking Man In The World?
In life, everyone’s got goals. Most people want to get a steady job, find someone to settle down with, buy a house in the suburbs and retire to Florida. Some people aim a little higher. These are the movers and shakers, the dreamers and the inspirational leaders that shape history. They want to cure cancer, become president, win a gold medal or make sweet love to Scarlett Johansson.
I just wanted to be the best looking man in the world. So in the year 2011, after a lot of practice, determination and exactly $12.43, I made my dreams a reality. That dream continues in 2018!
I know what you’re thinking – so I’ve prepared this handy FAQ:
Q1. You’re not really the best looking man in the world! “__________________” is so much sexier!
A1: Oh yeah? Well that’s not what the internet says – though I’m sure whoever you filled the blank in with is a beautiful man, and I wish him well.
Q2: Man, you must be awfully full of yourself.
A2: Was Christopher Columbus full of himself when he discovered America? Was Neil Armstrong full of himself when he landed on the moon? Was Shakespeare full of himself when he penned Macbeth? Was Einstein full of himself when he exploded the minds of the scientific community?
The answer is no.
Like all great men of history, I am just a man who had a goal. I worked just as hard to accomplish it as those guys did – probably harder. Don’t be a hater just because I achieved the greatness of being the most attractive man on the internet.
Q3: Will you let me conceive your children? Good genetics are hard to find.
A3: The answer to this is, sadly, “no” — because I’m about to become the best looking dad in the world this year! But I appreciate your interest, and I hope you’re okay with settling for the second most handsome man in the world.
Q4: Can you teach me how to be the best looking man on the planet – or at least a better looking man?
A4: It’s awfully hard to “teach” someone how to be good looking. The chips were sort of down when you pushed your screaming head out of the womb. The best looking men don’t really have to try.
That said, you might consider buying yourself a great pair of shoes, and make sure you clip your fingernails. The rest is going to be about confidence and attitude; both of those are attractive. You don’t have to be the sexiest man alive if you’ve got swag. Good luck.
Q5: Am I ALSO “good looking?”
A5: How the heck should I know? For best results, ask your mother. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder — or the search engine, I guess.
Q6: I work for X company who makes X awesome product. Can we ship a truckload of it to you for free?
A5: Who WOULDN’T want their product endorsed by the hottest guy in the world? I love free stuff and I’ll gladly lend my attractiveness to your cause.
Heck, I may even write about it and link to you.
Q7: But seriously, you’re not the best looking man in the world. I know at least 15 people better looking than you are.
A6: I think you’re in denial, but I’ve got some great news. If you think someone else deserves a share in my glory, I might consider letting them borrow this space for awhile.
Sadly (for you), I probably won’t sell it to you unless you send me an offer that can guarantee a permanent citizenship in New Zealand.
(To follow the best-looking man in the world, you can find me @JoelKlettke. I’m a conversion copywriter for SaaS and B2B businesses like HubSpot, Deputy, WP Engine, and more. I don’t actually think I’m hot stuff — but my copy is.)